When I think of Tony Parenti I think of someone who consistently shows up with the right attitude even if he doesn’t know what to expect. This aspect of his personality serves him well as he leads two weekly First UMC bible studies and serves his community as a real estate agent.
Here are a few thoughts he shared during a recent interview.
I was born and raised in Stamford and attended church as a child. I have one brother and my parents passed, my dad in 1988 and mom in 2024. I was baptized by my grandfather who was a Methodist pastor. After graduating from high school, I stopped going to church until my mid-40s, when I went through a divorce. At the time, Doug Macarthur was our pastor.
While I was going through my divorce, I remember inviting a friend to bible study even though I was not attending the church myself. It was Interesting that I suggested she come along and then she influenced me to start attending regularly again. Reengaging with church helped me. It was nice to talk and hear different perspectives.
I was in banking for nine years. Then I was an accountant for a year while going to school for accounting. Then I went back into banking for another 4 years. I became a realtor in 1994. I wanted to invest so thought It would be good to be on the inside track.
For a few years I was involved with the nursery school at FUMC. I remember saying to the kids, “life doesn’t go as we planned.” Children don’t always believe that. I asked the kids to ask their parents if what happened in their lives is what they planned. It was something on my mind then.
In my 40s, I started listening more closely in bible studies. I began to think deeply about the topics that were brought up. The bible is about life on earth. I found myself wanting to read more about real life topics that come up and figure out what I understand and don’t understand. At church you are a spectator. In a bible study, you give feedback and apply what you hear. It is an opportunity for that back-and-forth conversation, and you get different perspectives. It is nice to question why and have that give and take between people.
For me Christianity was not a choice. I was rushed into Sunday school with my younger brother when I was a kid. When I went back on my own it was a crisis that brought me to the church. Church was not a priority growing up, but I always thought of it as a good safe place where there were good solid people.
When I was a kid, we thought people in church were on a higher plane. But church people are not. The churches used to present themselves as better than they actually were. Sometimes churches say everyone here is better when the church is a place where broken people can heal. Like a hospital you go and get better. This is a place for helping not judging.
We often come off as hypocritical. If I had not grown up in church, I would probably not have gone back during my forties. Childhood experience or a crisis generally brings people to church. I don’t think the public perception of the church is good.
I’d like to say I read the bible every day, but I don’t. The bible studies help not just at our church. I go to about five bible studies a week. Two of them have to do with our church. There are other groups of Christians I gather with. It is nice to get other perspectives.
I miss the retreats we used to have. We have not had one in a while. There is a part of me that thinks we tend to worry about things we should not worry about. Look at the nursery school which is nonexistent compared to what it once was. The number of kids has dwindled. The average attendance was 20 -30 at one point. There is a tendency to think that something is wrong and we need to fix this. There is another part of me that thinks there is a reason for the dwindling attendance, and this is part of a larger plan to bring us to a point where we do what God’s will is. Maybe as the population dwindles, this changes people somehow or creates the change we need.
We should stop worrying about it. The most powerful thing we have is love for each other. I love the passing of the peace during the service. People are hugging and kissing, and you can tell there is love. In other churches, it looks like a fire drill the way everyone runs to the door.
It gives a voice to believers. It is one thing when you are told something during a service, but when you can discuss it it’s better. You probably have people who have questions after every sermon. They walk out and don’t have a chance to express themselves or get answers. I listen to Pastor David online and think he does a wonderful job but when talking about faith people naturally have problems. It is important to interact. That is how we grow.
It is more of a facilitator role. I shut up and let the people talk.
Lately we have had 8-10 participants in the Sunday morning bible study. The last study was about the beatitudes which are challenging and difficult to understand. In the beatitudes it starts off saying blessed are the poor in sprit and those who mourn and are hungry and you think why would someone be blessed because they are mourning. It’s a perspective that as humans we don’t understand easily. Each week we study one verse and there are questions in the book.
I could say that I believe this and that in a conflict situation, but I don’t. I try to take away the idea that I am trying to convince someone of anything. When others are passionate and angry, I become quiet. I tend to not want to confront people but to listen. I have noticed in the Methodist church most people are non-confrontational. There is a tendency to be quiet. It is I good response. It also helps to turn statements in to opinions rather than absolute facts.
This world is designed to make us fail and seek God. We get caught up in causes that take the focus away from where it should be. We are to depend on him and have faith in him. By doing other things we might not be practicing our faith. We should do our best, but whatever we do we are often expecting a result that benefits us. We often have selfish reasons for what we do.
My vision is that people continue to feel free to come and participate. You don’t have to have a lot of knowledge or be ready to make a point. You don’t even have to read beforehand. If you don’t come every time, it is ok. You can drop in. Maybe some feel uncomfortable. I would like it if each member took a turn to be the leader. They would study the chapter and lead the study. The study would have a different flavor if each person did it. Different dynamics draw people in.
Before bible studies, I will go to YouTube and search the scripture and listen to videos on a particular bible verse.
The people of my parents’ generation and some that were in the church; the pastors that we’ve had; and Peggy Hallock also. They were hard workers, modest and nonjudgmental. I include Dan, Clarita and Lumlee. People that I know have faced adversity and kept their calm and did not throw a tantrum and dealt with it. A lot of the people I go to church with express care for others. No matter who they are. I know we all have issues and challenges. I see people caring, people who focus on others and not themselves, they are not me-me-me.
I want to say nothing, but I would probably be on vacation. I truly believe the lack of resources makes us who we are. If I had all the money and time I would not be as responsible. I would not be who I am. Not having enough makes us who we are. I’d rather be with someone who is really who they are rather than someone who is just led by money and no care in the world. I might have more friends if I had more money, but I know who my friends are. Friends make things real. If someone does not have much time and they spend it with me, that’s cool. If they had all the time in the world I would not feel as special.
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